Swallow Vandalism

I have been going on about my messy little birds who have built a nest above the shop window and produced three big fat babies. They have been pooping everywhere for weeks now requiring us to boil the kettle and get out the scrubbing brush at least a few times a week.

Now they are pretty damn cute but enough is enough! I have threatened the nest with a broom handle several times but just can't bring myself to do it, not to mention the fact that they are protected and I might get into trouble with the law. People who know me know that I am the last person to intentionally break the law but I seem to get myself into trouble with animals.

When we moved to Auckland a few years ago I put my dog on a lead and walked my young son 50 metres up the street from our new house to drop him at the bus stop. In that short distance I managed to acquire a $600 fine for having an unregistered dog (had only arrived a few days before...and he was registered, just not in Auckland..small technicality) and for not having a plastic bag on me to pick up any little accidents. This would have been the first time our dog had ever not been registered and probably the second time I had gone anywhere without a plastic bag. The rangers were unforgiving and wouldn't give me the benefit of the doubt. Welcome to Auckland!

Six months later we walked our dog on the beach with one plastic bag. He did his business on the way and we did ours as law abiding citizens dutifully throwing the bag in the bin. On the way back we were stopped by the smiling ranger who told me that he didn't care that we had used our bag and thrown it in the bin. We were fined $350 for not having a spare bag as apparently that's the law in Auckand.

For the next 18 months we lived in that little house on the beach and watched people let their dogs do their business without so much as a glance, throw rubbish all over the grassy verge and walk their dogs on the beach outside of hours and never once witnessed anyone receive a fine.

Given my track record, you can understand that I am unwilling to attempt to relocate the birds for as sure as the sun comes up...I would find myself with a smiling ranger on my doorstep! But I can tell you, they won't be getting a look in next spring. I will be suggesting they move to a quieter neighbourhood. Not a very 'Byron Bay' attitude I know but hey..FINE ME!